Another anniversary coming up....

This Thursday would have been Lily's 4 month birthday. Instead, we will be missing her as she was taken from us far too soon. This Thursday will also be the day that we find out if I am pregnant again or not.

What I would really like and what I am sure a lot of parents of have lost a child would like, is to have her back. I know this isn't possible and I also know she is in a better place right now as she is out of pain but I can't stop these feelings.

I am also going to be looking after my niece overnight on Thursday. I don't know how that little girl is doing it, but she's helping me to heal. I can hold her, and change her, feed her and put her to sleep and I know that I don't have to constantly watch her for signs of non-breathing or fits which we had to do with Lily.

My husband is also helping me to heal. He loves me and is always telling and showing me this. Without him I think I would be a mess right now but because I have his strength to lean on, I know I can get through anything.
I am so lucky to have a husband like him xx

Grandad is with you now darling

Hey little girl,

By now, your grandad should be with you. He passed from this life on the 25th and was laid to rest on the 1st of July. Grandad was very poorly baby, he had many many things that made him so ill and they are contibuted to his passing. We like to think that you needed a grandad with you and so he took it upon himself to be your protector until me or your daddy can get there.

We asked that he give you huge kisses and cuddles from us and so I hope that he has passed these on.

Love you so very very much my darling

Love Mummy xxx