I also asked my little sister to come up with the new baby. Not only because I think that it helps Mum having a little one around but also because I felt like I needed to meet her and climb over this hurdle that had come between us.
I quite surprised myself. After spending time in the same room as her and watching her sleep, I was able to pick her up and hold her without bursting into tears. She's such a lovely little thing and I know now that I can be a good auntie to her.
I also know now why I was so scared, not because of her, not because it was a new life after my little one had lost hers, but because I thought I would have the same emotions with Isabelle as I did with Lily. I was expecting to feel so much for her but because she is my niece and not my daughter - I don't. I will love her like an auntie should and I am so glad that I pulled all my courage together and faced my fears.
My Step-dad is still not well. Mum and he are meeting with more doctors today to see what they say and then they have an appointment with the ongologist on Monday.
I really hope for both their sakes that he pulls through this - maybe not be cured but able to control the cancer to a certain degree until he is fit enough to have chemo and then maybe that will be able to at least reduce it in size so he can live a normal life for a while longer.
It sounds strange but I'm not worried about him. It's my Mum I'm worried about. He is in the hospital being looked after but there is noone to look after Mum and make sure that she is OK. I can call her everyday but I live an hours bus journey away and with having a school age child, it's just not possible for me to be there when I want to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment